What follows are actual conversations I have had at work.
Ja:What’s for Lunch?
K:I don’t know. I’m gonna tell you it’s chicken, because you eat chicken without too much complaint. Yes, I know it smells funny and is slightly green on the edges. It’s chicken. Trust me. Tell me how it tastes, by the way. I refuse to touch it.
Ja:*takes bite and makes face* It tastes awful!
K:Yeah… have some more wilted salad or squishy apples.
Ja:*gives me a look* You first.
Jo:How old are you?
K:How old do you think I am? I’ll give you a hint.. I’m older than you
Jo:6?
K:Nope, I’m 20.
Jo:No, you’re 6!
K:Sweetie, I’m a little older than that. I’m 20. I’ll be 21 in July
Jo:NO! YOU’RE 6!
K:Ok… I’m 6! Put down the scissors and slowly back away from me.
Ja:Does potato count? (for eating them and getting more of the stuff they really want to eat)
K:No J, potatoes are inanimate objects and are incapable of complex thought.
J:Why?
K:Because they watched too much Spongebob.
Ja:Is that what happened to you?
K:No… You small zombies have eaten my brains… finish your lunch.
Ja: Mmmm… Brains!
K:*I see B hiding under the bridge on the playground structure* Whatcha doing?
B:Hiding
K:From what?
B:Bombs
K:What bombs?
*two shovels wiz past my face and land on the bridge followed by the howls of another child’s tantrum*
B:Those bombs.
R:*we are reading a book* Are those Aliens in that book?
K:I don’t know, do they look like aliens?
R:No… they don’t.
K:What do aliens look like?
R:They’re green and big. And have penises.
K:… what?
R:They have penises!
K:… oh. Do they now?
R:Yeah! They have to go to the bathroom SOMEHOW! *howls of laughter*
All Day. Monday Through Friday. And you wonder why I barely watch TV anymore… *shakes head*

