Posts Tagged ‘children’

Conversations Pt. 1

What follows are actual conversations I have had at work.

Ja:What’s for Lunch?
K:I don’t know. I’m gonna tell you it’s chicken, because you eat chicken without too much complaint. Yes, I know it smells funny and is slightly green on the edges. It’s chicken. Trust me. Tell me how it tastes, by the way. I refuse to touch it.
Ja:*takes bite and makes face* It tastes awful!
K:Yeah… have some more wilted salad or squishy apples. 
Ja:*gives me a look* You first. 

Jo:How old are you?
K:How old do you think I am? I’ll give you a hint.. I’m older than you 
Jo:6?
K:Nope, I’m 20.
Jo:No, you’re 6!
K:Sweetie, I’m a little older than that. I’m 20. I’ll be 21 in July
Jo:NO! YOU’RE 6!
K:Ok… I’m 6! Put down the scissors and slowly back away from me.

Ja:Does potato count? (for eating them and getting more of the stuff they really want to eat)
K:No J, potatoes are inanimate objects and are incapable of complex thought.
J:Why? 
K:Because they watched too much Spongebob. 
Ja:Is that what happened to you?
K:No… You small zombies have eaten my brains… finish your lunch. 
Ja: Mmmm… Brains! 

K:*I see B hiding under the bridge on the playground structure* Whatcha doing?
B:Hiding
K:From what?
B:Bombs
K:What bombs?
*two shovels wiz past my face and land on the bridge followed by the howls of another child’s tantrum*
B:Those bombs. 

R:*we are reading a book* Are those Aliens in that book?
K:I don’t know, do they look like aliens?
R:No… they don’t.
K:What do aliens look like?
R:They’re green and big. And have penises.
K:… what?
R:They have penises!
K:… oh. Do they now?
R:Yeah! They have to go to the bathroom SOMEHOW! *howls of laughter* 

 

All Day. Monday Through Friday. And you wonder why I barely watch TV anymore… *shakes head*

Love and Hate plus Eight

I love to hate a lot of things in pop culture; Miley Cyrus, Shutter Shades, Lifetime. However, there is nothing I love to hate more than Jon and Kate Gosselin.

John and Kate plus Eight is a “reality” show on TLC chronicling the lives of a family with two sets of multiples – twins and sextuplets. In the beginning, you’d see how this family handled everything from feeding 8 small children to grocery shopping with eight small children to grass clipping with eight small children. It reaffirmed my belief that I will never have kids of my own.

Well… as the show got more and more popular, Jon and Kate got full of themselves and sick of each other. The newer episodes show more fighting and bickering between the parents than between the kids. There is no break between filming seasons. The kids have no time away from the cameras. And now, there are rumors of infidelity in the marriage. It’s on the cover of the tabloids for Pete’s sake – bumping down Angelina and Brad – who are WAY more importaint IMO….

Cara, Maddie, Hannah, Joel, Collin, Alexa, Aaden, and Leah (holy crap I know all their names without looking!) don’t stand a chance at having anything close to resembling a normal childhood if the series continues. It’s bad enough to have your parents not get along and to do embarrassing things in front of your family; having it become public fodder is horrible. J&K+8 is a big money draw for TLC with the advertising, book deals, and what have you; do those eight kids get a cut of any of that? If they lived in Hollywood they would. I’m pretty sure filming those kids almost 24/7 violates child labor laws.

Those poor children. Hasn’t the story of the Dionne Quintuplets shown that you CAN’T market multiple births and not end up with messed up children? If they weren’t on TV, wouldn’t young children working that long raise more than a few eyebrows and probably get CPS called in? Don’t we see the demise of enough child stars in Hollywood – some who go in on their own accord and not from pushy stage parents? Is America really that messed up that we not only don’t care, but we WANT to watch this happen? Those poor kids.

My Glitter Girls

They say pictures are worth a thousand words. What sucks major caboodle in my line of work is that I can’t share my little smiley faces with you. Or so I thought…

K & J are two little girls in my class. K (on the left) is 3 years old and was a timid little mouse of a girl in the beginning of the year. She couldn’t make it a morning without crying. Now, she can’t make it five minutes without laughing. J is 4, and is my mini me who I babysit on occasion. She likes to change the words to songs to better suit her moods (Five Little Monkies go out to play… over the hill and far away… mother duck says Quack Quack Quack… and wonders why her ducklings turned in to monkies!) They have both decided that they are going to move home with me. It’s ok.. their mommies won’t miss them too much because they will come back and visit. We will play Barbies and make cupcakes – pink of course!

Oh, my silly little glitter girls…

Oh you Cupcake Schmutz Faces…

Sometimes I wish I could post pictures of my little darlings for you all to enjoy. But, I wish to keep my job.

Today, we had a birthday in the room. You know what that means… yup… CUPCAKES!

Imagine this face (not my preschooler)…

… times 17. Somedays I love my job. =)

thanks stacy_brigham on flickr for posting this adorible photo.

Let’s play a Game…

Yeah… so… I got pneumonia and stopped blogging. Then that darn “work” got in the way…. anywho… I’m not dead, I think.

We played a game today in school. It was the “What’s In Kiwi’s Purse” game. How do you play? Simple… have two 4-year-olds dump out your giant green and pink frog patterned work bag on the table, and squeal over all the treasures. Shall we begin?

-iPod charging cord
-Health Insurance Policy Updates
-Empty Envolopes from Studen Loan peeps.
-Master Copy of Patterned Butterfly File Folder Game
-”The Hair Book” Spring ’09 (from my grandmother. I think she’s hinting that I need to cut my hair again)
-”Oriental Trading Scrapbooking” catalog (*twitches*… must not spend money)
-May 2009 Allure with Blake Lively on cover
-Per Diem check (I should cash that)
-Stripey covered notebook filled with notes on what kids need to learn what things, seducing Seth MacFarlane, and taking over the world with Jade
-Notes from my service project on Saturday. Fleece blanket making is a MAJOR volunteer draw.
-Beautiful artwork from D – age 5.
-Scrapbooks ETC. May/June 2009
-Silver Razr
-Lime Green iPod and earbuds.
-Crayola Marker 10 pack – missing the Grey. Grrrr….
-Dr. Seuss Beginner Concepts Cards – Shapes and Colors (the kids LOVE them… they are two sided, touch and feel, glittery, and bright. Amazing.
-Fox in Socks By Dr. Seuss (read it 5 times today… and still have feeling in my tounge)
-Partially colored Butterflies for File Folder Game
-GIANT To Do List – filled of stuff that should have been done 2 months ago. Oops?
-Lamination Scraps
-Scissors
-Wallet
-Green Crayon Toothbrush that Lights Up
-5 mini rubber ducks (To sing 5 little Ducks with)
-Gum
-Checkbook
-A Plethoria of Sharpies
-Camera
-Oobie Eyes (which are those eyes you see on the Geiko commercial with the money. It’s like a ring… with two Muppet-y eyes. Mine is green.)
-Dark Purple Nail Polish
-Blistex Silk ‘n’ Shine Chapstick
-Shout wipes

And with that, I entertained them for a solid half hour. Go me. :)

My Barbies

2009 has one very important milestone, if nothing. It’s not that we *finally* got a new President, reached all new flooding records in certain states, or even that we’re on our last year we can wear the doofy glasses with the year’s zeros as eye holes. No… there is something far more important. Barbie is 50. This is a cause for a flashback blog! *cue smoke screen and trippy music*

Like every little girl, I too played with Barbies as a child. In fact, I still play with Barbies – both with my sister (who is 8) and the little girls I babysit (who are younger). They aren’t quite the same as I remember them. They actually look slightly more human, if you can believe.

The Barbies of the late 80′s/early 90′s were some of the most garish, most over the top, unrealistic looking dolls that could have been made. I had a ton; Rockstar Barbie (with the Q-tip hair), Doctor Barbie (with the cleavage baring dress), Wild’n'Style Barbie (with the hair you could Velcro back on after you cut the top layer off), and a whole slew of Disney based Barbies – including, but not limited to Ariel, Pocahontas, Belle, Esmeralda, and many of their little sidekicks. THEN… there were the Spice Girl dolls – which were not actually BARBIE, but pretty damn great. Whole ‘nother post, though.

As a younger child, I loved my dolls dearly. They built forts in my room and swam in my bathtub. They suffered willingly through my “beautifications” which always seemed to end with a lot less hair on their head, and a few new sharpie tattoos. Even Ken, back when he was Barbie’s main man, had that smile plastered on his face as I painstakingly drew mock Chinese symbols on his chest to make him a member of a boyband. Sadly, his album never charted and he was quickly dropped from KDB Records.

Barbie was more that just a toy; Barbie was an escape. In the apartment complex I lived in as a child, my friends who lived near by and I would haul ALL our Barbie materials out, and set up shop in the hallway. We had beach parties, kidnappings, weddings, babies, pop concerts, and daring escapes all before dinner. Regardless of what had happened only a few minutes before, Barbie was always ready for the next thing.

As time progressed, my interest in Barbie was slowly being lost – mostly because it wasn’t “cool” for a 9 year old to still play with dolls. Instead of looking like a glamor icon, they became archaic reminders of the fashion era we called the 80s. The hair and tattoos that I worked so painstakingly hard to perfect with my kid-safe scissors looked matted and gnarly. They soon were housed in a giant Tupperware box along with their plethora of accessories to be done away with. In spite of that assessment, I would still take them out from time to time and wish my friends still understood the appeal.

Where are my Barbie’s now? Most of them ended up decapitated, accidentally I swear, during my Tutor Dynasty phase. The ones that survived are now safely in my sister’s loving hands, where instead of being “beautified”, they are being housed in her giant castle. Even her interest is begining to wane, and I fear that soon they will be facing the tupperware again; Waiting, waiting, waiting, to be taken out and played with again.

Pepto Bismol Pink

Once upon a time, I was a girlie little girl; Ribbons in my hair, dresses, and shiny shoes were REQUIRED to leave the house. Pink was not just a color, but a LIFESTYLE! As I grew older, I came to realize it was a lot harder to keep up with the boys while keeping ones shoes pretty and dress clean. I traded the pretty and prissy-ness in for the still favorite Jeans and T-Shirt (the glitter obsession never fully left). Upon making the decision to be more of an active tomboy, I rejected all things girlie. This included my former favorite color.

Flash forward to Feburaray. Valentines Day is just around the corner, and it’s time to work on the little monkies’ painting skills. Giant paper hearts are cut out of the massive butcher block rolls, and pinned up to the door that we use as the easel.

“Kieran, you like the art area. We’ll put you in charge of painting.” I hear from across the room. Obviously, my jean and t-shirt get up is easier to clean than theirs are. It’s cool… if it stains, it’ll add character, right? I pull out the jugs of red paint that have separated since the last time they were used, and start shaking. “What colors should we do? Red for Valentines Day, but should we put out another one?” I ask.

“PINK!” the little voice below shouts. I look down to see J, the spitting image of myself at 4. She is THE absolute definition of girlie, and she’s smart and funny to boot. She is also holding the white jug of paint with a giant smile on her face. “You’ll need this!” I was hoping for something a with a little more contrast, like black. Why don’t we make black a Valentines color? Draw the Singles Awareness Day in to the schools. Sighing, I pour some red in the bowl and help J pour in some pink. Then, we mix it until the colors blend. J looks at me and makes a face. “It looks just like that peppermint stuff my mommy gives me when I have a tummy-ache.”

She was right – it did look an awful lot like Pepto Bismol, and it had the same consistancy to boot. Great. “Let’s add a little more white and see if we can make it in to princess pink,” I say as I reach for the white. We add another huge glop, and mix, and much to our surprise… it stays Pepto pink. How does that work? 

J decided that she would settle for the “tummy medicine pink” and got her smock on. By this point, word had spread throughout the room about the painting area being open. Leaving the color physics, I spent the rest of the work time putting on smocks and doling out paper.

During clean up, J wanders over to help me hang up the pictures. After putting the last one on the wall, we step back to admire our work. I look over at her, and she is making her face again. “What’s wrong, pumpkin?” I ask. She looks at me. “It looks like somebody puked all over the walls.”

Curse you, Pink, yet again.

Sick-ick-ick-ick

The bad part about being around little kids? You get exposed to new “germs” every second. I am sick, yet again.. *sigh*

Interview tomorrow for summer job… and TONS of stuff to do for Kids With Heart. I’m taking Nyquil and going to bed. But first, I leave you with this little gem…

I have a little girl who looks almost EXACTLY like this… except blonde. Any three-year-old well versed in Star Wars is an awesome kid in my book.

Laz-ski

Saturday… ah… a day to sleep in, relax, catch up on Allure, scrapbook a few pages, and think about finishing my laundry.

Or, get dragged out of bed earlier than my liking (9am) and sit alone at the ski hill for two hours playing “ATM Machine”.

Allow me to explain. I have a little sister. She is 8 years old – 9 in May. There is a HUGE age difference bewteen us… which makes for quite an interesting relationship, but that’s another blog. Anyway, she is the little athlete. Obviously, she gets that from my step-dad’s side of the family, because as my mother and I say… our sport is spectating. Today is skiing day.

My mom works in the local university’s archives – which has an abundence of information about the mining history of the area. My step-dad is a Social Sciences professor who specializes in Iron Age something or other. If you want to get technical, they are both archeologists. Therefor, they are perfect judges for the local school’s HISTORY DAY! *throws confetti* That is also today.

My mom, I love her so, wants somebody to be at the ski hill on the off chance that said little sister becomes the human snowball and starts chasing Indiana Jones down the ski hill. I am an expert at cleaning up bodily fluids after all. So, I get to be sitting in the chalet, for two hours, with no internet, DS, coloring book, or sock puppet to keep me entertained. So, I actually am TYPING this at the ski hill…  but once I finally post it, I will be long gone… ice cream bribe safely in stomach… and back to doing whatever it is I do on Saturdays.

There is a “Sno Comp” going on as well as the usual ski lessons. The local skateshop doubles as a ski/boarding shop in the winter, and it is their last winter hurrah (even though I’m fairly sure we’ll have snow until JUNE). There are lots of young, hip, cool teens and young adults dressed in their day-glo colored jackets covered in skulls and lightning bolts; standing around looking bored and disinterested as they txt in to their phones. Why don’t I look that good when I am bored and disinterested? Why doesn’t my phone flip open to show a full texting keyboard? Who seriously would by a neon orange and yellow jacket?

I’m holding court in one corner of the chalet with a big round table. Across the room is an entire wall of windows outlooking the ski hill. You can watch your little darlings as they eat the snow for the first time. Today, you can watch the young hip cool crowd as they show off for each other… and then fall flat on their asses. At least you can find them and their garish jackets in the snow… shiney phones make apperences as they all txt each other… “OMG… did you see Jake.. his neon yellow jacket does not match his green and black striped pants… he’s so hotttt”

For all of the “cool kids” here… one would think that we’d have emo rock blasting through the speakers… but instead it’s Skynard. Go figure.

Professional Bodily Fluid Cleaner

I work in as an AmeriCorps member in a Preschool. This still makes me laugh, because I spent my two years at college trying to stay as far away from Education as possible. That being said, I can imagine a better place to work. Even if it means exposing yourself to all sorts of little nasty things that can kill you.

I am speaking of course, of all the excretions that come out of small children. I have delt with boogers, pee pants, moving of the Poop in the Pull-up by hand in to the toilet (an on to.. and next to… etc), puke of various colors and textures, and of couse, blood.

We were in the gym. There were 5 kids, the teacher, and myself. The little boy got a bloody nose. Not a big deal – it’s the middle of March, the air is really dry, and he was running around. Upon wiping the new wet stuff off his face, and realizing it wasn’t sweat or snot,  he had to deal with it in such a manor that only little boys can deal with such things.

G: MY HEAD IS LEAKING!!
Kiwi: No, it’s just your nose bleeding. Let me get you a tissue and you go sit down and relax. *starts walking to tissue box across room* Try to catch it in your hands so it doesn’t get all over your clothes and the gym mats.
G: I’M BLEEDING!! I’M BLEEDING!! *starts flipping hands around, thus sending pathogen carrying droplets far and wide.

Needless to say, I had to clean that up. Good Ol’ Green Machine… you’ve served me well here.

[Yes, I had a MUCH longer, and slightly funnier post on this... but silly me, still trying to figure out how to work wordpress... deleted it. Epic Fail]

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